---xMOMOs

2012-01-18T18:26:00.002+08:00

With all the macedoine feelings lately . All the confusion and frustration happening with you and me , I'm sorry . I didn't mean to hurt you and I will NEVER try to hurt you with any of my words . I just hope you can forgive me for what I've said . There's so much words I would like to say or suggest but I'd rather not and I knew it would only cause trouble . Even if I don't say it out , I'm guessing you won't be happy either telling me that I'm feeling threaten . I never think or intend for us to go separate ways . All I want to do when we feel frustrated or upset is to cheer you up again and clear your mind then I will clear mine . No matter how frustrated or upset I would be , I will think of you as my top priority and cheer you up first . When you're calm and having normal feelings again , I will feel relieved and start to relax . Everytime I try to cheer you up things just get worse and no improvement at all , I think the whole talking thing only works for me and I'll always try to reason with people . I don't want to say anything that will manipulate your thinking that from me loving you to me having problems when I'm with you . It's totally not like that and wish you understand . I do agree that I don't know how you feel but I sure do how disappointed felt like , no matter what either I'm sad or your sad , I will always sturdy to try not to affect you or hurt you with any of my words especially when I'm upset . Although I'm having messed up thinking . When I'm upset you always try to cheer me up and I appreciate that , I know if I continue to stay in that depressed state won't help you or me . If I continue eventually it will affect you indirectly and you will start having various kind of thinking that your not suitable for me or your not a good girlfriend . You are a good girlfriend . If your not suitable for me we won't last this long . If your not a good girlfriend you won't try to cheer me up and will just ignore how I feel . No matter what I say towards you , I only hope for mutual feelings because you are the person that I don't want to lose or get hurt from me or anyone else .

2011-10-20T17:39:00.001+08:00

My heart is heavy and almost going to break . You told me to stay strong so I did but I don't know how long I can stay like this. :(

2011-08-24T22:18:00.002+08:00

So stressed out . So many things happening around me . Exam coming , don't know why my baby de mood just changed out of a sudden . Keep getting request from mom this and that . Sian , wish I can talk with you .

2011-08-07T10:57:00.002+08:00

Lately I've made my baby upset :( . I feel so selfish cannot give her anything and make her feel happy . I want to buy a bracelet for my baby as anniversary gift/birthday gift but I don't know how to give her personally . The only way is to pass to my cousin they all pass to her ;x . I feel so jealous they can give my baby personally while I cannot . But as long as baby is happy , it's ok . Nowadays want to buy so many games and play but I try to control when there even have a promotion xD , feel so guilty already spent so much money . I'm sorry baby , I love you . I know I can express my love in a lot of ways for you but I'm dumb and don't know how . I only know how to do it in real life when I'm with you , planned so much what to do when we're together :) .

2011-06-14T01:06:00.001+08:00

Am I important to people ... I always feel like I'm better off dead . Being nice , being underatanding is all just a bad thing to do . I always wanted to die because I feel alone . No body appreciating me . My existance here is useless . Today , i bought my lunch for 8.80 and i gave the uncle 10 dollars . When the moment the guy gave me back the change I saw that there is extra 3 dollars . So I gave him back and when I tell my mom about what I did , I thought she might feel maybe happy about me maybe alittle? But .. No , she scolded me why I'm so stupid never jus take the money . I'm speechless :) . No matter what I do . I always fail , I already consider to suicide countless times . My life time wish , is just to see 'you' once before I die . But I guess I'm not lucky as others . So , I think I'm dying alone . Hope more and just got disappointed more . So why not just end the sorrow I'm experiencing now . Yes , I'm a coward trying to run from everything and I'm selfish never think of others . But you should know why I became so selfish . For what reason , for what purpose . I will never want to drag you into the problems I'm having . I don't feel like srudying anymore ... No one understands how much pain my parents are giving me . I will never be the perfect son they wsnted me to be . I believe I haven't even reach the 'good' standard in their eyes . Tears dropping , eyes burning , turning into blood red colour . But who cares about me . I've already decided . I've always got that strong urge but when I remember the one I love and must protect . I just feel like I can do it yet . But now I don't know why I feel like doing it again . Maybe it's the thing I've done to you , my attitude , and the selfish way I treated you . You deserve better , more than better . You should deaerve the best thing but I failed to give you and happiness . After all these years . I never had the most wonderful memory . But at least I have you in my memory . Maybe I got too greedy . Looking at your pic made me smile but I wanted more . Now , my heart its like just had a sudden impact , just like dipping my heart in a lava pool . It burns . But not a single tear came up . Opening my eyes wide after crying . Looking at the ceiling as if everything will be better ... I wanted to apologize but I'm afraid it will only make things worse . I wanted to comfort you but I know every word I say is like more spikes going to stab your heart . I think I will just remain quiet , I dont want you to cry anymore . Perhaps , it's time for me to go to stop everyone's suffering that I did to them .

2011-06-09T00:53:00.002+08:00

Baby I'm worried about you . I'm sorry if I hurt you . I don't know what happened , I just feel that your not comfortable with something just went offline so fast . Maybe your really tired , I wanted to believe that but my mind kept on telling me your not ok . I really hope your ok baby . I love you , every tear I shed now is worth it if your gonna be okay tomoorow . Good night ... baby cindy .

2011-05-26T18:21:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry baby . All I can say is sorry . I could not do anything else for you . Sigh , when your behaving like this . Really want to cry , maybe I could feel the pain your suffering from what I've done to you . Sorry

2011-05-05T19:59:00.004+08:00

I'm sorry . I just want to tell you I'm safe . We said to each other to overcome anything together and will be there for each other . Guess I took some words for granted . I'm sorry that I cannot cheer you up as usual , I'm starting to get sick and tired again . I'm useless and I'm not satisfied about myself . I should've banish myself long time ago . I regret that I never done that .

2011-04-30T23:05:00.001+08:00

Baby what happened to you ... I'm worried :( . Sigh.. sorry if I said anything that hurt you. I wish I can know what happened .

2011-04-07T00:54:00.001+08:00

You misunderstood what ive said to you . I know im a total idiot . Your my everything and if u leave me i lose everything . I never regret the sacrifices i made . I lost my family , they dont even need me . I only have you now . After that talk we had i feel like we're more far apart . I dont know am i suppose to be happy or sad that you that thinking for me to be happy but im unhappy that you want another girl for me to be happy . Theres no diff between live and death by doing that . I continue to live because of you but i know that sounded stupid but its true . I wished that you know the reason i continue to live and understand that no one can replace you . If you were me you would do the same thing and wont leave too . The smile on your face lighted up my world but that didnt last forever because i kept on hurting u . My future is for you , i've already think ahead for us but it seems like its falling apart . Im hurt but no matter how much it hurts i want to see u smile . I shouldn't say a word about how i feel but a promise is a promise . I would say everything to you and wont hide it . You said you gave me fear but you didnt . Im only scared whenever i say something we will end up talking about splitting up again . Im being careful on my words . I cannot do anything to change your mind , im feeling so stressed out . I wanted you to love me and share the happiness with you . Seems like my life wont last long and will be ending shortly if this arguement about splitting up continues . In my heart there will always be an undying love for u . I have rewrote this post twice as first post didnt get saved but its worth my time . I love you baby , i need you so badly right now . I really dont want you to leave me . I feel like ripping myself apart and shouting . But that would not change anything . Im desperate for you . Bless you my baby ; cindy and my family ( if they still are ) . I feel like suiciding . I hope i dont regret doing that . I jus cant take this anymore , i cant take it that u kept wan me to be with another girl jus to be happy . Im sry ... Baby cindy . I jus wan to be with u.....

2011-03-16T21:31:00.002+08:00

you said you would stand by myside when I'm sad. Why didn't you do that . In my eyes , only you I would live for and no one else but I realize that you don't want this relationship to exist between you and me . You did support me when I needed it but it's not the support I wanted . I wanted the support when I'm feeling down when I need you the most and talk to me , you ran away . I know my words contain spikes that harm or hurt you . I can't control it , I'm weak and I'm sorry but when the day I die . I hope you don't think of me and regret . I hope you will get a better life instead of wishing it for me . My life is filled with regrets , while yours is perfect . I'm sorry I existed in your life and ruined it for you . I'm afraid and scared of you leaving me and I'm sorry for that . I'm always looking back and regret . You said you won't leave me and always stand by myside is it true? I love you and I'm a fool who die for love . I'm sorry , all I wanted is to see you before I die . Guess I'm dying alone where no body loves me or ever think of me again . The cold grave of mine , no one will know it even existed .

2011-02-11T16:34:00.001+08:00

lonely dun wanna tell u because i noe im going to hurt u :( .

2010-12-18T10:37:00.002+08:00

Baby tq for everything . Your the best baby anyone could have . I'm blessed that you've chosen me and love me this much :) . I hope this relationship can continue until the day i die . You'll always be my baby in leave a strong mark on my heart that I'll never forget . I love you .

2010-10-30T01:02:00.000+08:00

Heh . Cant sleep again . Who knew whats going to happen . Not a happy post again . Its never a happy post in my blog because there isnt anything joyful or wonderful happening to me . Although going sg meet u is a good thing but i still dunno how it ends up like . Its at midnight now . U didnt call me but nvm love is needed to sacrifice right ? I will jus take all the problems and keep it to myself . Dun seem like anyone who knows how to solve my problems . Sigh , i wish u were there when im crying . I wish i knew when i hurt u so i can comfort u . Life is plain with jus drawings . It can always be washed away by a bucket of water . Just like that its gone . Been through a lot . I hope ur sleeping well . I noe i wont , im not complaining or swearing or anything . As long as u think its the best for u then i wont deny it anymore . I dunno what to write , i dun like to brag about my unhappy life . It will just like a list of ways to torture myself by thinking it . Sigh ... Good night ... Baby . :(

2010-10-15T22:49:00.003+08:00

I feel lonely and sad when you're not here with me . Baby I love you but I need to sacrifice a bit for your happiness . Just looking at your smile warms my heart and I can feel your warm heart just like it is beside me . I'm sorry for anything that I've caused to make you upset :( . I'm really sry . Looking at you recover then I'm already happy :') . Tears of joy ... maybe . Wait it's not . It's me crying behind you .

2010-10-05T23:49:00.002+08:00

I really didn't know what I did to make u upset . I hate myself , can't even do anything . I'm sry if I hurt u in a way by keep asking you about your mood . I feel hurt when you shout at me through the phone , i dunno wad to do maybe i'm jus too sensitive . I will just cry through the whole night till i fall asleep and tmr morning wake up . Just live in another sad day . It's the same everyday , make u upset and I didn't even noe . I'm stupid , sorry . I wish i could die , but i'm scared of it because im leaving you . If i die and can look after you from the top . I would choose rather to die . Even if i cry , i hurt no body :) . You get to have a better bf than me . You're a great girl and good gf . Boys should appreciete and be glad to have you by their side . Life is stupid .

2010-08-21T11:38:00.001+08:00

Don't worry Cindy . All I will do is just cry until it's over and your finished . I will still love you .

2010-08-06T22:34:00.002+08:00

I'm the worst dip ship ever in this whole fucking galaxy . Please , let me fucking die . I'm useless fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml fml .

2010-07-16T22:06:00.001+08:00

Punched the wall a few times because getting lonely :D . Pain do kills loneliness . Well... Maybe.

2010-07-14T23:20:00.001+08:00

So long never update blog liao . Nothing bad happen to me recently as in " bad bad " or just bad as in bibi getting sad ;x . Trying to change my attitude to make bibi much more happier xD . Muacks bii xD I'll love you till I die :) . Play-asia :( What happened to my monster hunter ?!?! It's been 2 weeks :( . Failed me , disappoints me lah play-asia .

2010-07-01T23:14:00.001+08:00

Irritated , angry , sad , tension , pressure . Death

2010-06-16T22:20:00.001+08:00

That's rude and I'm hurt .

2010-06-14T18:33:00.003+08:00

FML . My baby sad again because of me . fml fml fml fml fml fml fml . No shud be fuck my self . Wish meteor jus crush me right now .

2010-05-30T00:33:00.002+08:00

My blog has turned into a bloody graveyard burried with sorrows , hopes and dreams . Why ? I don't know stop asking me why for everything . When I'm sad I just want to write it down here without letting anyone to suffer the same pain I'm suffering . I don't want to expect too much but what can I do? :> . Durr, Hope for a miracle .

2010-05-24T23:20:00.001+08:00

Why did this place turned into a place that only i feel like usin my iphone to post sad stuff in it? I dont know . I just noe everytime i see YOU unhappy . My heart start to pound so slow like its already dead . Its like i cant breath and strugglig for air . My lungs are burning up and my eye starts to bleed . I rather suffer alone than watching u cry . I rather be an idiot that hurt myself than looking at u like that . I wanted to do more for u but im so useless . Im tryin to protect u but instead , i hurted u . Its 11.07 now and i still cant sleep . Thats because ur always on my mind and u noe that i wont leave u alone or abandon u . My brain starts to play with my thinking that i feared the most . But in the end it was just an illusion . I suffered alone and tears is making my bed soaked but im happy that you are ok . Im glad to noe that ur fine now . But im still worried about u . I knew i wont do well in tommorow's paper because all i can do is think about u … i wish to say goodnight and sweet dreams to u personally but that wont happen . I wanted to give u a warm hug but that would be a hundred years . I will wait and will stay by ur side , im just like a parasite but i hope u dun mind . I just wanted u to be happy but i need to learn how to let go . But i cant , because your my GEM OF LIFE . My eyes are red now but i dun care . As long as your happy . I can suffer just abouy anything . I said i can protect u and i think i can be ur shelter when u need one , i said i could be ur shield when u needed one too . But when u need one and im not there for u . Im the one who is selfish , not u . Im the one who should be punished , not u . You should noe im just a annoying bastard that always say hurtful words . But at the end i learn to apologize . I knew its too late but what can i do . Theres no body to be there for me when im really sad , i hope u dun take it personally but almost everytime . Im alone ...... But no matter what happens . I will always love u .

WILL loves CINDY .

2010-05-16T15:03:00.002+08:00

All I wanted is a picture of you with a bear I gave you . Why can't you just promise me ... You just have to hold it that's all . Why can't you just promise me . It was not that hard at all . Why can't you just promise me so we don't have to be like this . It's not like I can see you everyday ... I only asked one per month . That's not a lot .

2010-05-15T13:39:00.005+08:00

:'( . Did something to make u sad again . Every time I tried to cheer you up at the end it just make u more sad and dun feel like talking to me anymore . You seem more happy when you talk to other people than me . I realize that how useless I am and not good enough to stand by your side . People can cheer you up so easily in only a few minutes and I still can't do it . I'm sorry if I make u sad . I'm just trying to change my attitude but at the end it's the same thing happening again . Even worst this time , All I can do is to say sorry in front of u and my tears are falling down that no one had knew . I've care about you and worry so much for you . There's so much thing I wanted you to know but I don't have the guts to tell u . I didn't want you to feel bad again so I've keep it to my self . Everytime I think of it , I wanted to cry but not in front of anybody or you . I tried to stop but at the end I will just hide in my room and start shredding tears down . I tried to hide everything behind but my attitude have shown almost half of it and at the end you're the one who got hurt . There's so much thing I wanted to do to make u cheer up everytime your sad . I wanted to send you something but it will take days . I feel so stupid and I hated my self . I will appreciete you baby , while I still have the chance to see u and feel u in my heart . No matter what to do to me . I'll always love you and keep your smile and the moments we spent together . I just want you to know it's not your fault , It's mine . Don't think that your selfish . I'm very happy that I've met you . I don't want another one and I'm saying the truth . I will only love you and your my last .

2010-05-08T22:48:00.000+08:00

D: . Baby no mood again . Bii I'm sorry if I did anything wrong . I want you to be happy and I'll always be there for you . Get well soon . Will love you no matter what happens .

2010-05-02T11:08:00.002+08:00

Finally after a long break away from blogs . I'm back , I wanted to make it private but lazy to send invatations to people . I wanted to put in this way uhm . People who want get invited just drop me a message on the shoutmix while its still public and request for an invatation . I hope it's a sucess xD . Whole week , study , revision , audi , eat , sleep and talk . Over and over again untill something intresting shown up ! EXAMS :D ~ . Oh happy days time to fail my physic and add maths again :\ . I hope I won't fail this time ... Well at least don't fail physic . If add math , uhh well . Speecless lol . Well I'm going to stop here . Nothing intresting to blog also hur dur . kkthxbai .

2010-04-25T19:09:00.000+08:00

Just want to say sorry to my baby for making her sad . Sorry and will love u forever more .